Agnomateen (former Muslim)
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Testimony of Leaving Islam
It had been around 5 years when I first doubted this religion. I often wonder had I ever really been a Muslim? I mean there is a famous saying by an existentialist philosopher that we are condemned to be free - I think I was "condemned to be Muslim"; meaning that it was never a case of choice or the case of imagining a choice for me. I am from Peshawar, Pakistan. Many would know it as a extremely Islamic city. It's true that Peshawar is the most religious of the bigger cities of Pakistan. I belong to a very religious family here - and it was very religious one too.
I accepted that Islam is the ultimate reality, and nothing can be better then it. In the 1990's I used to say prayers five times a day, avoid music, television and many other things. These were the days when i was really involved with the Tableeghee jamaat (Group of Preachers of Islam). Tableeghee jamaat has international acceptance by Muslims and these are non-violant, anti-jihad preachers of Islam. Around three million people from all over the world participate in their annual meeting in Lahore Pakistan. Those were the times when I really believed that I will go to heaven, and I avoided every bad thing as defined by the Islam known to me. But I accept that with the passing of time, it became difficult for me to continue on like this, and I realized that it is impossible to follow Islam completely. I also realized that even if someone follows the complete Islam, he still can't claim anything from God; he had to wait for the mercy of God to have any reward for what he had done.
Saying prayers and practicing Islam became difficult for me when I realized that I can't follow it completely, but still I had a strong faith. I wasn't a social person and had very few friends, but while studying in university, I met a really nice easy going person. Soon we became friends. One day he told me that he is struggling with his faith and he thinks that everything he believes is wrong. We had discussions for many days which made me to study the view of some ex-Muslims I knew that I was changed, but the change was gradual and it took me some time to come out of all confusion. Now when I look back to see what made me leave Islam, I feel that it was the realization that the absolute claims of Islam are just one of the many such claims that all religions make. Once people can start to look at their religion as they look at the others then they will surely find that all are the same - i.e. baseless assumptions. It is the exclusive way with which people treat their religion which makes them stick to it. It is exactly the same, when someone can't see the mistakes of there loved one's and the mistakes of the one's they hate hit them with exaggeration. But to overcome this handicap one just needs to be a bit critical.
Here are some of the reasons which I can remember right now for my leaving Islam:
- I can't understand why God attaches reward and punishment to what you believe. If belief is based on knowledge, then the smarter people who know more will get all the rewards! Who made them more smarter if it wasn't God?
- I can't accept that there is a merciful creator of this world.
- When Muslims say that this world is a test, I can't understand that why an All-knowing being has to test someone.
- I can't understand why Muslims claim that their god is 'all-kind' if they also admit that he is a god who kills everyone.
- Why does God give me pain to let me know that there is a problem with my physical body? I mean, he could just as easily implement the warning some other way! Computers also prioritize different jobs according to different criteria. Why is pain necessary if god is merciful?
- Since everything I accept as 'true' is based on my understanding of it, why then it is my fault that I do not accept Islam as 'true' - if I haven't understood it properly? How is that a sin?
- Why do people say that god is warning us by killing 80,000 people (of which 40,000 are children) in the recent Earthquake in Pakistan? why does god have to kill all those innocents in order to 'warn' others?
- If, as the Quran claims, that "truth is clear from falsehood', then why is there so much confusion about it?
- Why am I forced to choose either Heaven or Hell? What if I don't any of them? How then should I live my life?
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