Angel (Former Muslim)
| |||||||||||||||||||||||
Testimony of Leaving Islam
Hello everyone, this is Afsara. I was born and raised as a moderate Muslim from the age of 4, even though I didn't have any knowledge about Islam. By the time I turned 5, members of my family kept a "Hoojor" (Islamic Teacher) to teach me everything about Islam, from surahs, to hadiths, to even completing the entire Qur'an. At first, I thought it would be fun and exciting but after a couple of months, I realized that it was nothing but un-necessary pain. Even though I never liked to study or practice anything about Islam, I was forced to. So, Mr Hoojor made me finish the 'separa'- where I was taught Arabic alphabets and phonetics. This took me 2 years to complete, as the Arabic language felt too foreign for me. In the year of 2000, I shifted my home in a peaceful location and I've been here for the last 14 years of my life. I moved away from my old residence when I was 8. Even then, the Hoojor would still come but this time, in my new home, with his bicycle. He told my parents that I have successfully finished the separa, even if it took me a long period of time. So, he made me start the 'Ampara'. It was too tough for me, this went on for another couple of years until, good news came. Mr Hoojor (on his last day in my house) told my parents that he'll be leaving Bangladesh permanently for Saudi Arabia and when I heard that he was leaving, I became really happy. And since then, for the last 4 and a half years of my life, I had the chance to enjoy my freedom.
But, it wasn't until mid-2005, like the rest of the members in my family, my mom wanted me to start Islamic teachings again but this time, she asked a wealthy neighbor to "help" her out. A woman who's a full-time school teacher, has chosen her middle-classed, over-devout radical Muslim colleague to teach not just me but my little sister all about Islam. I was very sad.
Ever since this "lady Hoojor" (also known as the 'Arbi Khala'[maternal aunt of the Arabian language]) took her first few steps in to my home for the first time in her life, I realized that this may or may not be the end of my free life I have enjoyed for the last 4 and a half years before. She was and she still is very strange. I turned 13 years old in 2005. I became a teenager and have enjoyed what other girls always do; putting on fancy dresses, fancy shoes, sparkling jewellery and put on make-up and nail colors; and yes, I am proud to be a young lady and ever since I was a baby, I was always very 'girly' in nature, my mom used to make wear fluffy party dresses and therefore, I still am and I will be forever. A week after I had to start the separa all over again, she found me wearing blue nail color on my toes. This made her ask me: "Why are you wearing nail polish? Didn't I tell you to remove it! Why are you getting so close to my separa without doing 'Wadu'..hmmm??". A second later, she told me: "Go! Remove your nail polish. Now! I don't want to see you wearing those any more. As long as you study Arabic, I will never allow you to put on another nail polish ever again! Understand!?". Without answering her rubbish questions, I went out of the room to find some tissues and nail color remover, I didn't have a choice, I had to do this to keep that woman satisfied and even when she isn't for no reason, she would always find a way to complain to my mom. She only did these to make my mom dumb. Unfortunately, mom did believe her and she often did this to put a misunderstanding between mom and me.
Unlike me, my sister was comfortable with these Islamic teachings and was better than what I was. Even though this woman claimed that my sister is ahead of me in these Islamic teachings and always thought that I was jealous of her, I wasn't, not even a little. I let that woman say whatever she wanted. Those words were never so important for me, so I hear with one ear and let it out with the other. And worst of all, she often compared my sister and me, to her wealthy colleague's 3 children (2 sons and 1 daughter). It was frustrating, specially when she said: "See! Apa's (older sister) 3 kids are very near and close to finishing the Qur'an Sharif. What will happen to the 2 of you? You two haven't even finished the separa! How can I show my face to the people who are living in this giant building?". I hated the way she was straight forwardly strict, she often sat on the floor of my living room and bit her 'extremely short' nails with her teeth to make those even more shorter. And this, is what I call 'unhygienic' and yet, she's touching her own 'holy books' with those hands. My sister was 10 years old and didn't understand the foul Islam-related words which woman often said.
This woman is the reason why I didn't feel so comfortable and safe in my own house. Mom often told her to come on Friday and Saturday mornings, these 2 days were the days school was often closed. I had no place to run, as well as no place to hide. This continued for another 5 to 6 years.
Finally, in mid-2011, when I turned 19 and my sister turned 16, she stopped showing up for some reason. At the time, this made realize that she never wants to come back in my house again, so, I celebrated and became free once again. And as of the ampara as well as the Qur'an, well, both of us sisters left those forever incomplete. And I felt really lucky that I didn't have to go through all that stuff anymore. Getting education from schools and colleges are way better than practicing Islam. The daily 5 times prayer as the Muslims would love to call too, is irrelevant. Why should there be fixed times for prayers? Don't people have rights of their own, then why on earth should they follow this devilish ideology and be so brainwashed and blind? O how I really wish to open their eyes and set them free.
The day when the lady Hoojor has left for the last time, I went back to my room and decided to do a little research on my PC that evening and when I did, it took me to a link [www.faithfreedom.org], an anti-Islamic site founded by Iranian ex-Muslim with the name Ali Sina, who helps Muslims to leave Islam. I explored the site and found out the real truth. The Islam I knew as a child is completely different from the original Islam I've seen online. This shocked me and made me realize that Islam overall, is actually an ideology of pure evil. The Prophet Muhammad, the so-called religious figure to the Muslims, who I've learnt about at both in my family as well as the school is not the same as I read about in Ali Sina's website. Muslims believe their Prophet was the most peaceful person in the world but here in reality, the opposite is true. Muhammad was not as peaceful as I thought he would be. So, I got angry at him for ruining the first 19 years of my life. While I was exploring the Faithfreedom website, I found Ali Sina's testimony and began to read. Later, I've also read testimonies of many other former Muslims leaving Islam. Then, I began to ask myself, "Is it possible? Can I actually do this!? My goodness." and then, I smiled and started thinking whether I should give up rotten old Islam and start a new and beautiful life, as an ex-Muslim or not.
Now that I was old enough to make my decision, after I kept thinking for 5 minutes, I decided that I will silently and officially renounce Islam and embrace the Dhamma (teachings) of my new Lord Buddha, as Buddhism to me, is a perfect way of life. Unlike Islam, it is violent-free, has no room for blind faith and best of all, no animal cruelty and according to the Dhamma, men as well as women are always given equal rights, which I never found in dirty old Islam's most dangerous law called The Shariah. Unlike equal rights, Shariah law system is totally opposite. Where as all the religions in the world focus on women's rights, the Muslim men at the Shariah court treat all Muslim women worse than domestic animals whether home or abroad as immigrants.
Why did I choose Buddha? Because His Dhamma to me, is purer than liquid gold. The first time I ever learnt and got to know about Him was in my history class when I studied in the 3rd grade. The Book: Oxford Illustrated History book 1, chapter 8: Buddha The Enlightened One. It was in January 2002, when reading about his life and teachings in the history book motivated me to be a better person. In August 2005, I learn about Buddha once again but this time, in the Book: Oxford History Project book 2, chapter 1. This enriched my knowledge and I have felt really good about this. At the same time, English Literature taught me a story about Tibet (the former country which is still under Chinese control even today), which I found to be very inspirational. The book: The Radiant Reading book 3 and yes, Buddhism is the majority faith in Tibet, I love the Tibetan peoples and their cultures and customs and specially the traditional jewellery, that's why I've chosen it for myself because like me, they're very peaceful, not violent like the Saudi people, and they really know how to respect the environment around them. But sadly, the Chinese are slowly making the West forget about Tibet but no matter what, I, as a 22 year old woman will always support and care about Tibet and want to free it like every other country in the world. O my Lord, please FREE TIBET!
Today, I feel very proud to be a devout Buddhist who secretly practices Tibetan Buddhism inside her room- even though this maybe a religion under exile, I will keep following it till my last day on this earth. I still couldn't make a shrine to pray but I will, someday and for that, I always meditate and pray to Buddha in my room early in the morning after getting up from bed.
Late 2011 was the year when I renounced Islam (which has no meditation) as an adult teen of 19 and by mid-January 2012, 2 months before my 20th birthday, I finally start practicing the faith which I've always wanted to because, Buddhism is the "Real Peace", not a fake peace like Islam is. I may be free but I still need to be careful, why? Because I'm still living in a Muslim family, with Muslim family members and Muslim relatives, Muslim people, as well as a Muslim government. As long as I'm here in Bangladesh, I still have to live under their rules.
In May, the same year, I secretly celebrated Vesak for the first time in my life in the early hours of the morning. Since I still have no Buddha statue yet, I got one picture of Him on my PC and laid flowers, lit up candles, burnt the incenses and offered him fresh fruits. I held my hands together and saluted him:
Namo Tassa Bhagavato Arahato Samma Sam Buddha sa
Then, I took the three refuges and repeated them 3 times:
Buddham Saranam Gacchami
Dhammam Saranam Gacchami
Sangham Saranam Gacchami
After that, I recited the 5 precepts (in English, because I have never learnt Pali language before):
I shall refrain from harming living things
I shall not take anything or steal something that doesn't belong to me
I shall not engage myself to any sexual misconduct
I shall refrain myself from lying
I shall not drink any kind of intoxicants which lead to carelessness
Compare my Lord Buddha to that lousy Islamic prophet, you'll find that they are exactly opposite of one another.
Buddha was born in a royal family at Lumbini in present-day Nepal who gave up the noble lifestyle as an adult, to find out the causes of suffering in this world.
But, Muhammad has always been a spoiled child who would never listen to any one. He was completely illiterate, didn't know how to read and write and he was also, very narcissistic and always got what he wanted.
Buddha married only once in his life time and had a sweet little baby boy with his beautiful wife whom he loved and took care of. But Muhammad committed polygamy (which according to him is suitable for his ideology) and married 11 women at a time! his last wife before his death was a child at the age of 6, named Aisha. he was such a perverted pedophile, he waited 3 years for her to become matured so that he can do whatever he wants to her.
Buddha was honest and taught his Dhamma by heart and many men have become his followers and started their spiritual life as the world's first Buddhist monks.
Muhammad and his followers had left the city of Mecca to go and start a war against the Jews in Medina. Like Adolf Hitler, he was anti-semetic. Surprisingly, they destroyed the whole Jewish tribe. At the end, Muhammad himself took Safiya, his Jewish wife-to-be hostage and killed her father and husband right in-front of her eyes. Men were killed and women as well as their children were raped. Those who questioned him got severely punished and those who secretly left his ideology were instantly killed on the spot.
Buddha taught me to love animals and of course, I do love animals and I want to take care of them. Muhammad hated everything around him, he use to torture every animal he could find including dogs and pigs, this explains everything about my mom's fear of cute doggies and the banning of pork in all the butcher shops around my country.
Ali Sina's faithfreedom site was not the only site that helped me to open my eyes, there were others, like Mukto-mona, BareNaked Islam as well as www.apostatesofislam.com. Thanks to these sites, I have woken up and saw a whole new me. I have never felt this happy in my life before. Thank you, Ali Sina sir, for setting me free. I will always remember you and pray for you.
p.s- on the side note, curse you, Muhammad. May you and your imaginary friend, Allah stay in hell forever and rust in peace together! I'm now, an ex-Muslim and will remain a Buddhist forever, even after I reach the heavenly maha-parinibbana (death) where I will be forever safe and protected.
n.b- Unlike me, my little sister remained a Muslim. I'm the only one in my house who is a non-muslim and have kept it a big secret. Even today, no one in my house knows how I became a happy Buddhist.
- Afsara xoxo
Add Your Testimony | Other Apostates | Core Article | Qur'an, Hadith & Scholars | Resources | Helpful Hints
