Cathryn (Former Muslim)
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Testimony of Leaving Islam
I was born into a moderately orthodox Muslim family headed by a less than orthodox father. In my childhood I used to observe the differences in the life of a man and a woman. I was given more freedom than what was given to the other Muslim girls of my family. Still I felt it was somewhat lacking behind the freedom given to my brother. Going out alone was restricted for us girls, except our trip to school. Pressure was applied on us learning household stuff. A maulana was appointed to teach us the Qur'an, but even after six years of trials, I was unable to complete it. Maybe the reason was because I found dedicating an hour of my life every day to reading something I don't even understand, completely useless. Time passed and my doubts in religion grew. Few of them included:
- Why do women have to wear the hijab when it is men who can't control their desires? It is completely discriminatory. And how blind must these women be who can't see this flaw?
- If a non believer is taught to follow something else since his childhood, is it his fault? The cycle goes on to the ancestors, like I would have followed any religion my parents have taught me. A true religion should never preach to hate or even try to convert the non believer.
- Music and dance not allowed? When I heard music and dance are considered 'Shirq' in Islam, I made up my mind that anything that makes a person happy is 'banned' in Islam.
- When I used to read some of the translations of the Qur'an, most of it was about praising God. A true lord never asks for praise. He gains it by His glory and mercy.
- Recently I found out on the internet about the 13 marriages and sex-slavery of Prophet Muhammad, and the contradiction that many Qur'an verses are actually the words of Prophet Muhammad himself, meant to help him rule the Arabs. I don't know how much true is in this, but the verses and translations given were quite enough to cause doubt.
The list goes on and on. Everyday in my life I come across stuff that I find absurd and senseless, but Religious.
I also read that Islam asks to kill non-believers if required. I used to think that maybe all these things were an option not a compulsion. How can a religion compel its believers to be miserable? I also used to fear that if I rebelled, something bad was going to happen to me from God. But lately I have realized I am not against God, I am just against practices and beliefs that I feel are incorrect. Maybe I am nobody to comment on what is incorrect for others, but I am everybody to decide what is correct for myself. Islam doesn't even give you that right, and because I am a freedom-loving person who needs to do what feels correct, I find it wrong to be in a religion I don't really believe in. I am thrilled about the experiences to come as I am on my way to deism. Getting rid of the fears and tantrums taught since childhood takes time, but doing it feels right. I believe in a God that is a superpower above all, but I don't need a religion to connect with him.
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