Gluttedpassion (former Muslim)
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Testimony of Leaving Islam
I am just an ordinary Pakistani bought up in a conservative Muslim family currently studying in a Sweden. Since my childhood I have always been interested in religions and felt a close relationship with God. But it was only after reaching the age of puberty that I studied Islam intensively. I was always captivated by "Tauheed" (strict Monotheism in its purest form) in Islam which I couldn't find in any other major religion. Now in retrospect, I feel that Tauheed is a major reason why Muslims have such religious obstinance. Then there is the question of the "Meaning of life" which can only be satisfactorily answered by religions such as Islam (for ordinary people). We are taught at school that all other religions are non-monotheistic which we find to be (almost) true. I feel that people believe what they believe because it is human nature to try to relieve oneself from the painful thought of death.
Islam is a vicious cult and a disease. Hence I suggest spreading some other religion like Buddhism in Muslim countries and trying to educate (unwilling :) people to the true realities of Islam. People always believe what people in their surroundings believe. Being a Pakistani I find that the religious scholars (Mullahs) can brain wash you very easily. They don't allow you to read the translation of Qur'an or hadiths. Hence most people have very little knowledge of Islam. This is information age and (thank God) people are bucking the trend. I am only worried about those Muslims who are not educated (or haven't seen the world) and may easily be brain washed (or coerced) into become terrorists. I say all those things because I have been there and seen it all (Jihadis and Sufis alike). I also discuss my doubts in Islam with some of my (learned) friends. I find that they have no answer to my questions and even reject many fundamental Islamic teachings to avoid shame. Still fear of hell, lack of meaning in life and social isolation are obstacles that prevent outright rejection. You can even get killed in countries like Pakistan for apostasy.
Now Back to topic. I used to think that non-Muslims don't accept Islam (after knowing that it is true) like all other Muslims. Some people used to tell me that there is blind belief in Islam. However I was not comfortable with this idea and used to tell them about one can prove Islam scientifically (e.g. using 'miracles of Qur'an'). Watching videos of Zakir Naik reaffirmed my belief. I then started debates about Islam with non-Muslims. At that time I felt really unusual that non-Muslims do have good answers to my propositions (unlike what Muslims are taught since childhood). This was at odds with Islam's definition of salvation based on faith (Emaan). I felt that if non-Muslims are sincere in their evaluation of Islam then God shouldn't punish them. I was specially worried about my ex-Muslim friend who I found had no ulterior motive in being an apostate. And it started to dawn on me that the whole idea of Faith/Belief in religions is unfounded. If someone is non-Muslim it is only because he cannot find a reasonable proof of Islam, which is not his fault (I experienced this myself). And if somehow he finds that there is an undeniable proof of Islam he must have already faith in his heart. Hence faith is not something you can control (much like love). Hence I found the whole idea of faith/religion to be absurd.
I thought that if Islam is the true religion, God must provide an absolute undeniable proof of its truthfulness. The mere thought of this impregnated loss of my faith. Previously I used to answers (myself) the questions, raised by critics of Islam, by taking only the Muslim perspective. After Coming to Sweden and finding how nice non-Muslims are, I couldn't help but to be skeptic that they will be punished for eternity. I had always feared visiting faithfreedom.org (I was told I will get brain washed). But I was betrayed by Islam and I wanted to know the truth. I also wanted to be unbiased in my analysis. Ironically proposed miracles in Quran that were my basis of debates turned out to be scientific errors in Quran. Everything started to click and at last I got my answers. I used to think why the Muslims don't even have a consensus on basic issues like how to pray Namaz (Prayers). Certainly the all knowing God must have thought of some way to preserve this information if he created all of humanity for his worship. It is not as if Allah allows prayer in any style. Certainly if the sunnah was preserved, people would have consensus. A divine religion must be clearcut with no ambiguities. However Islam has so many sects (Shias, barelvis, deobandi, wahabi, ahle hadees etc. ) and each sect consider itself to be on the righteous path. Although Muhammad did predict such a thing (after looking at Christianity) there is no way for everyone to interpret hadith in the same way (different people have different tendencies - I have been to Manaziras as well). Then there are clear morality issues in Qur'an. For example, wife beating is allowed (even encouraged) in Islam. My father used to beat my mother until she turned blue and used to tell me it is in accordance with Islam. It is also very very common in a religious country like Pakistan. If you are a Pakistani, you cannot deny this truth. Islam also encourages bloodshed of non-Muslims. Even if some modernist believe otherwise, it is still written clearly in that Qur'an that aggressive war is necessary.
I would like to thank "Ali Sina" of Faithfreedom International here. He clarified all the deceptions and word-play of Zakir Naik. After confirming his analysis, I was enlightened. Still a (small) possibility of eternal hellfire was a big obstacle in trying to leave Islam. However, I am very grateful to the Cult Of Dusty channel at Youtube which made me fearless of Hell. He showed that it is unthinkable of such an evil God and even the most cruel human doesn't want to punish someone for eternity.
Now I am a panendeist. However I am thinking of practicing Buddhism (with Humanism) as it is more peaceful and I still have a thirst to get purpose in life. email
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