Haji (former Muslim)
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How I left Islam and became an Apostate
I was born in a nearby village of Muzzafar Gadh, Pakistan in 1966. I graduated from Peshawar University in 1985, traveled many Western and Eastern countries and am now working as computer graphics operator in Lahore. We have a big family with countless blood relatives; almost all of them are hardliner Muslim Fundamentalists, living within the Multan Division.
A Philosopher once said “If you push a wall slightly with your finger and it falls down, never think that it happened due to just your finger touching it. The wall had already been pushed many times before and was just waiting for your finger to push it before it fell down”. It happened to me.
1st Shock: When we moved from the village to the nearby city, a village’s barber started to come for our hair cutting twice a month as my father never trusted the city’s barbers. Once, the barber could not come. My father ordered me to go to the city barber for my hair cutting, saying, "Never let him cut your hair in English Style. You must do it in Round Shape, like Mullahs, in Islamic style." I assured him and when I sat on the barber’s chair, I requested him twice to act as per my father’s instructions. But the poor barber could not understand difference between English and Islamic hair style and when I saw my cutting from behind I screamed with terror. Oh my! He had made it in English style. I wept with tear with fear and panic and left the surprised barber. I wandered here and there because I was afraid to go home.
Anyhow in the evening when I got home, my father saw my cutting style and beat me hard without hearing my explanation. I was in 3rd Grade at that time and my class fellows always smiled on me calling me ‘Mullah’. I gave up that hairstyle soon after death of my father in 5th Class but class fellows continuously annoyed me by calling ‘Mullah’ until I was in high school.
2nd Shock: My father acted well on a Hadith, which orders parents to beat their children if they don’t say their prayers 5 times a day. He ordered me to memorize whole prayer in Arabic. I could not since I have no interest and charm memorizing it in an unknown language, but to avoid physical punishment, I pretended to say prayers 5 times daily. I prayed nothing but just acted.
One day when I finished prayer a bit sooner, father doubted me and ordered me to say the prayer loudly. Consequently again I was being beaten up hard. It was my first surprise: why didn't God punish me directly instead of father because this matter was related to Him?
3rd Shock: I was sent to the Mosque for Quranic education. There I saw a white bearded old man who performed his 5 daily prayers in that mosque and remained there in the late hours after prayers. Once he halted me inside main hall of the mosque, picked me up and sucked my tongue for a long time. I was afraid, and could not understand and could not resist. But God knew all; he should be merciful at least towards children, if not towards sanctity of mosque. But He did nothing. I was in 4-5th Grade at that time.
4th Shock: After the death of my father, my elder brother forced me to fast during the Holy month of Ramadan. I didn’t like to be hungry and thirsty the whole day for any reason. Thus I refused but again I was beaten up. So I pretended to fast but actually I would drink water from the Mosque and ate bread from the kitchen behind closed doors. That time I was in 6th grade.
And there are still many more shocks …………… it is a very long story, but let me come to the end now.
Last Shock: We 7 Pakistani Muslims are chatting in a Japanese Kitchen. It is mid 1989, around 8 PM. Suddenly our Japanese owner comes inside and joins us. We are talking about religion, Muhammad, God and Islam. He listens to us for a while then asks me for a translation. I explain to him the ideology of Islam and much more about Allah (God). After listening to my lecture carefully for 15 minutes, he announces “I don’t need God” (“Khamisama iira nai”). I’m stunned, we are all stunned. I look around frightfully, but nothing happens from Aallah. Everything remains normal. There is one smiling face; and that is our hard working Japanese owner
And dear! The wall of my Islamic belief and faith came down at last.
That was the time of my conversion from Islam. I turned at once at that moment, and day-by-day I realized that Islam is evil. It orders to kill apostates which is nonsense. This is unacceptable for a normal and sensible person and a naked attack on human rights and freedom of expression.
I am a busy person but I am free for innocent Muslims especially from Pakistan because I know the poor guys have been brain washed by Islamic Fundamentalists. I probably cannot save you from current live devils (mullahs, fundamentalists) but believe me; at least, I can save you from Hellfire, as it does not exist. I don’t want to waste your precious teenage time wasting in the type of crap which I experienced in your age.
Let your elders live in past (Islamic) world and join this brilliant world. It is alive, it is current, it is so beautiful. Just enjoy, never think 14 centuries ago, just think today and tomorrow. Time will never be back. Believe me. You can write to me through this website and I will reply, but I apologize for not responding to emails containing “death threats” … not due to fear but due to time shortage. Actually! I am not afraid of death, as I know nothing will happen next. There is no Doomsday. I am an Atheist after all and thus enjoying my life daily.
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