Jessica (former Muslim)
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Letter to Ali Sina
Dear Mr. Sina
My name is Jessica and I just felt compelled to write to you after spending several hours on your website, reading your articles. I just hope you can spare a bit of time to a young 29 year old apostate.
I will put this simply and clearly - Islam nearly killed me. It all began in 1999 when I was dating a Muslim boy from South Asia (he wasn't a practicing Muslim). To make a long story short a few folks from the MSA found out about my relationship and pressed me on the issue of converting. Without doing my research and with way too much trust, I recited the Shahada.
It is fair to say that I got swept up in the propaganda. Sadly 2 weeks after my conversion, I was nearly raped by a Muslim man. When I went to the local Imam for help, the first question asked of me was "Were there any witnesses?" This should have tipped me off but still, I soldiered on, convinced that I must have been at fault. I lost my family, friends, just about everything. The pressure to wear a hijab was enormous. I'll never forget how rude Muslims could be when I would say "assalaamu alaikum" and they would not reply after casting a chastising glance at my bare head. It wasn't long before I traded my blue jeans for a jilbab and covered my red hair with a black scarf.
My marriage to this South Asian fellow ended after he gave me a serious head injury. Though this man wasn't very religious he clearly believed that I was to submit to him and what he wanted. I remarried quickly after I left this man, mostly out of pressure. I married a Pakistani man. Let me just say that his long beard and appearance of piety covered many a sin. He had slept with hookers as a college student and was addicted to porn. He expected me to stay at home and be the unpaid cook and cleaner. I put up with racist comments from my in-laws and the terrible feeling that I was never going to get to heaven unless I did what my husband wanted of me.
I managed to make my way back to my hometown after this marriage broke up. I had been falsely accused of adultery. I left quickly as I wasn't sure what this man was capable of, but I returned - scared, alone and afraid. I began to question my faith but wasn't brave enough to leave. The "friends" I had made when I first converted weren't interested in helping me find a suitable man. One Imam even tried to get me into a polygamous marriage even though such a thing is illegal in Canada . I met my current husband 3 years ago. Fortunately I met him when he was very new to Islam and had not been fully indoctrinated. I believe he has written to you about his story.
It was clear that the community did not support our marriage as no one showed up to the wedding. We went through many spiritual crises; fighting to get zakat, even fighting to get a kind word of support when my father in law and my mother died. The community treated my husband like a bastard because he is a mix blood (half East Indian and half Spanish) and speaks neither Arabic or Urdu. I was looked upon as a "dirty" white girl for having been married before. A few months ago we decided to leave Islam; and I must say that we're both better for it. It is true we must be a lamp unto ourselves. We have turned to the Buddhist teachings, which is interesting because I was a Buddhist before converting to Islam.
I do not regret converting to Islam however. I believe that I went through this in order to develop myself as a person. I have learned to ask more questions, never to take anything at face value. I have relearned how to enjoy life again. I have learned how to paint, have sex and even enjoy a good glass of Spanish Sangria. I must thank you for being brave enough to speak out and giving others the courage and support to do so. If there's any way I can be of service, just say so.
Thank you so much for your time--I look forward to hearing from you
Sincerely
Jessica
"It is not enough to be compassionate. You must act"
-Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama
Response by Ali Sina
Dear Jessica,
By sharing your story that would hopefully help other young women to be alert when dating Muslims, you already have done your service. I am sorry you had to go through this much pain but happily you are out of it and as the result are a stronger person.
Islam is a cult. Muslims are cultists. They receive you with big smiles in their faces but that is all hypocrisy. Once you are part of the cult, all that pretense of friendliness will disappear and they will stab you in the back if you decide to leave.
Now it is important that both you and your husband help other potential victims of Islam to avoid what you went through. Since anyone could be a potential victim, we should make every one see the ugly face of Islam. Since Muslims are not willing to listen, we must disgrace Islam in the court of the public opinion so the unwary people don't fall prey to it. What can you do? You can go to as many forums on the Internet, share your story and tell people to read this site.
Best wishes
Ali Sina
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