Jibreel Noor (Former Muslim)
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Testimony of Leaving Islam
I first started learning about Islam around the age of 15. I bought a translation of the Quran in a bookstore and read it cover-to-cover. I became fascinated with Islamic way of life. I was impressed by what I saw at the time as the unifying influence of Islam and the unique brotherhood that all Muslims shared. After this I also became fascinated by Islamic extremism, al Qaeda and the Islamist movement. I was somewhat sympathetic to their point of view. Ironically, however, when I finally took the decision to convert to Islam in the main mosque in my city I found the Muslims there to be very peaceful and against all forms of extremism.
I therefore quickly lost interest in extremist Islam and became more involved in the spiritual aspects of Islam. I became increasingly devout and always prayed 5 times a day and fasted and read the Quran regularly. I studied the Arabic language and learned the more and more about Islam. Throughout my late teens I was very involved in the Sufi movement and often attended Sufi circles. I always felt spiritually uplifted after such gatherings.
After a while, however, I became increasingly disillusioned by the lack of unity in Islam. I found that contrary to my original belief in Islamic brotherhood, Muslims were far from united. I found that many Imams spent most of their time attacking other Muslims for their different interpretations of the religion. Around this time I also started to read the Islamic texts more critically.
It became almost impossible for me to accept that the prophet Muhammad was the perfect human being since so many of his actions were so reprehensible to me. Muslims often tried to justify his marriage to Aisha at the age of 9, claiming that times were different and that this was normal in 7th century Arabia. I did not find this to be a satisfactory answer as one of the central premises of Islam is that the prophet Muhammad is the perfect example to be followed for all time. I could not stop thinking about all the young girls who continue to suffer to this day because of his actions as they are forced into marriages at such young ages. I also found the Quran to be increasingly irrelevant for today's world, being so full of ancient, far-fetched stories that have absolutely no relationship with today's society.
When I was 21 my younger brother also came out as gay. I kept thinking about the awful punishments that Islam prescribes for homosexuality and how much I'd hate anyone to hurt my brother for his sexuality. My faith became gradually eroded until I finally realised that I could no longer describe myself as Muslim.
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