Logan (Former Muslim)
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Testimony of Leaving Islam
When I was in my high school era, I met a Muslim female. I only had simple knowledge in Islam prior to meeting her. I did not know of the complexity behind being a Muslim. We fell in love hard, and when I say 'Hard' I mean I loved her with all my heart, and I know she did too. (because for her to be with me as a non-Muslim was a very big thing to do, especially for a Muslim female.) She was the perfect girl who was nice, compassionate, loving and beautiful. Not knowing about the strict Islamic rules, she told me I would have to convert to Islam to be with her. Despite that I accepted her differences and I was so in love with her, that I converted. I did it so I could be with her forever. I forced myself to believe in Islam, i forced myself to believe everything mentioned in the Quran, and I forced myself to believe that Islam was the right and healthy choice for me.
I read the Quran and constantly researched about Islam. I practiced the Islamic traditions, praying 5 times a day and fasting. As time went by I started to feel resentment about my choice I made, and hurt about why my girlfriend wasn't able to fully love me. I thought that since I converted, it would make my life better and that she would be with me forever and have no problems. But that wasn't the case. I started to feel sad, and stressed about my life and started to question my choices I made in life.
Growing up as an atheist, I have different views and morals on life. I have always felt that I am a nice person with good morals, without the aid of religion. My parents taught me not to steal, not to lie, not to commit adultery and don't be stupid without the help of religion, just good parenting from my parents. And if I were to believe in Islam I would have to change my moral views.
I questioned many, many things (verses in Quran, the practices of Muslims, the mentality of being a Muslim) but would never speak out. I know I could easily debate Islam and argue with science and logic, and that would have made many Muslims angry. I could not completely put all my belief and heart into believing in Prophet Muhammad and all the teachings of the Islam.
I found out the cold truth that the girl I loved could never love me for who I am, but could only love me completely, as a Muslim. In the end I had to leave Islam, because it was stressing my life and changing my moral beliefs and my personality. My girlfriend broke up with me, and we were about to get married. She couldn't be with a non-Muslim, since it is a rule in Islam. She is probably married now with a Muslim man, who can match what she wanted in the first place.... (A Muslim man). I know that being with her for 7 years I must have changed and influenced her to be open minded and tolerant.
I realized that the practices in Islam and the mentality of being a Muslim doesn't match my moral beliefs or match my personality, so I had to leave before I live the rest of life lying to myself. Now that I am back to being an atheist, I feel healthier and happy... and FREE. Being too religious was not healthy for me, there were too many made up rules and practices to prevent me from doing lots of things. I act kind and have respect for everyone, without god telling me to, and feel that everyone should be able to be nice and kind, without the help of Allah....
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