M.A. (former Muslim)
| |||||||||||||||||||||
[Letter from M.A. to Ali Sina]
Testimony of Leaving Islam
My Journey to the only true world, is hard for me to write about the hatred that I carry for religion in general, Islam and Mohamed specifically. I am a 22 year old man who traveled half of the world as a kid and the other half as a grown man. I was born in Saudi Arabia in a Syrian family. My struggle started when I was a young kid even before I knew I existed. When I was born my father gave me a very unique name; I am the only one there is out there with that name. Anyhow, when my father went to register my name in Saudi Arabia the government agency refused my name, and after few tries my father succeeded.
I moved around with my father to several countries most of which are western countries. Back then I was a kid who didn't know much except to listen to my family. I went to school in Saudi and that is when I was introduced by force to a religion that should never have existed. I remember clearly that we didn't have enough money to go to private schools, so I was in a public school. They were the worst years of my life. My teacher used to come into the classroom and put his nasty feet on my desk and sleep for hours at a time. Then he would wake up and start beating the living crap out of us with a rubber that he pulled out of the window joint. I studied hard; my mother made sure of that. I used to do great in all my classes. As a matter fact I was the best in class. But when it came to grades or who is the top of the class, they always put two to three Saudi's first then the foreigners. I know it sounds lame. I know I was born there, but I was not considered Saudi. In fact, they treat you as if you where an animal. I remember they use to give the kids, who are the top of their class toys as gifts because of their success. I never got one. I always wondered why. Why is it like that? It's not fair! Every time this happened, I go home and studied even harder but to no avail. They had to put a Saudi first no matter what. I don't remember exactly what year it was, but it was one of those years I think, when the Muslims were killed on Easter in Europe - or so they said. They used to play religious songs. They where like the songs we all hear today in the terrorist beheading videos. I used to hate them back then. They didn't play instruments in them it was only some kids voice and that was it.
Years later we moved to a western country for a year, and that is when I started to understand some of what is going on. My brother and I were left in that country to study in middle school with my extended family, while my immediate family went back to Saudi for financial reasons. Being a young kid and away from your family is a very hard experience but by itself was my window to the world of ours. A Year later we went back to Saudi Arabia after realizing the hardship of being away. My father enrolled us in the best private school that he could find. I spent most of my middle school and the first year of high school there. I can truly say I had learned absolutely nothing there. Four years of my life washed down the drain. Anyhow, we would go to school early - around six o'clock, and stand in formation, doing the most bizarre exercises ever known to mankind; instructed by an Egyptian loser with a fake degree in physical exercise. Then we would listen to what they call 'Nasheed Alsabah', for about half an hour, standing there like soldiers all wearing that ugly unrealistic dress (thub). We would tolerate the bitterness in every one of those teachers who would look at you and try to find the smallest mistake so they can hunt you like a tiger hunting it's prey. We would then walk up the stairs to get to our classes - where if there was one good thing, I would say it was the special mix of nationalities that existed in the class. You could see Egyptians, Syrians, Indians, Sudanese, you name it, they were there. We had to study anywhere from 17 to 24 subjects per year. Cramping eight classes a day. Five or six of the 24 were religion classes: Tawhid, Quran, Tajweed, Fuquh, Hadith and Tafseer.
We would have two or three classes of religion everyday. I remember that they forced me to go to the Islamic club every Wednesday. Oh that sucked! I hated every class; every one of them regardless of what it was; religion science, history or even PE. They all pointed to one direction the overwhelming power of god and how we should all believe in his greatness and so on. Every page of even the science books had at least one or two verses from the Quran or a Hadith. This was to prove to the weak-minded students that God is there. My Quran teacher used to hate me the most. Since I lived for one year in a western country, I was really bad in both Arabic and religion. I couldn't read the Quran at the level they wanted me to, so they would always criticize me for that. The teacher would give us pages and pages to memorize in only a night or two.
I lived a miserable life then, even though I was one of the top students in my class. I knew Science, Geography, and other subjects very well since I enjoyed the subject, but I absolutely hated religion. I just could not memorize illogical things. I am good in logic and analytical subjects, but not so good in memorizing things. So, on every test I would do horribly. I remember that my religion teacher, who should have been the one with faith and honesty, used to give me the answers so he could go home early. Now I realize how phony he was. Around 12 o'clock we had to go and pray. Very few of us prayed. I know some of the pupils used to laugh, talk, and even make jokes during the prayer. I used to pray, believing in something, but always had doubt in the existence of God; so I started to slack off, and they started to notice it. That is when I was upfront with my self and I always asked questions about how life began, and who made us and so on. They always found a religious reason not to talk about it. To say the least they hated me, they knew
I was the one who would never let go of the truth. I was a warrior to those who could not speak or stand for themselves. I started to become known in my class and school. They knew that I was different somehow but they never knew how. That is when I started to realize that my beliefs were wrong and opened my eyes to the truth. I couldn't say it out loud but I could argue somewhat and I never failed to do so.
They controlled every aspect of our lives. From our hair cut to our pubic hair length, they where monsters who believed in nothing but Allah. I remember once in my religion class they would encourage the attacks on westerners and on Israel . I will never forget the hatred they carried for other religions and Kaffirs (non-believers). They truly believe that if you leave Islam or become Kaffir, you should be beheaded. Unbelievable thoughts and acts they performed. I was there to experience most of it first hand. They used to teach us terrorism. They used to sow in our minds the seeds of hatred and discrimination. They used to beat us for not praying, fasting or even for looking at a girl. I used to have dreams of seeing women. I was mentally manipulated. But I took all that in, processed it, and came up with my own logical explanation. I will never forget their speeches in the mosques, where they preach to people about revulsion, manipulate their thoughts and feelings to fight for something that is worth nothing.
I am disgusted by every second I spent as a Muslim. I am ashamed of myself for believing in Islam even for one second. I have lost a lot to this Islam. I have lost most of my life to something that someone made up. Luckily now I live in my beloved country the United States of America , and yes this is my country till the day I die. I will fight its enemies wherever they are. I will sacrifice my life for the Red White and Blue. For those who lost their lives before me to make sure I get my freedom and to seek the truth in this great land. I moved to the US when I was in high school. It was then that I started to call myself an Atheist. I am a proud Atheist now. It is hard for my mother to accept me but my father is very open-minded and he too started to call himself an Atheist. Today I can say I have changed hundreds if not thousands of lives. My brother is becoming an Atheist, my mother is on her final struggle with Islam. I post everywhere I can to show the world the ugly face of Islam. I have converted of many friends of mine from Islam to Atheism.
Living here has changed me from the fake Muslim I used to be, to the person that I truly am. They say Atheist's don't have morals. They say that they make their own rules. They say what stops you from bad acts? I always reply and say self-consciousness. There is no stronger force than the feeling of guilt. If you are a Muslim or religious, you could do wrong and then pray for forgiveness. Since you truly believe he will forgive you, you repeat the wrong. An Atheist does not expect God to forgive him. He rather tries to live consciously and not commit the wrong or if he wrongs, he tries to mend it.
I strive so no other Kid, Man or Women go through what I went through. To my Muslim fellow Humans: I love you all. Yes I love you all with all my heart, I feel sorry for what you believe. Please know that I wrote these lines out of love and not hate. I am not asking you to change overnight but please open your eyes for a moment and seek the light. My heart is calling for you and for every person who really wants to make a difference in the world. We want nothing but success for all humanity. I was a lonely ex-Muslim out there few years ago. But today I am joined by Millions of ex-Muslims everyday. It is imperative that all of us who know the truth make even the slightest effort to change the world - and we will.
I hate Islam. Instead of wasting years learning Islam, I could have learned physics and astronomy. Today I am a 22 year old man who is full of energy knowledge and logic; a man who couldn't go to college, because I have to work; a man who dreams every day of what he could do if he had the chance of going to college. A chance is lost because of Islam. Islam was the only reason I am where I am. I am still young and have done so much more in my life than any one in my age. But I know that if Islam didn't take what it toke from me I would have been where I wanted to be. I will never stop. I will reach my goals and my dreams even if I have to do the impossible. I will go to college, I will become the person I always dreamed of. I want to be somebody and help my fellow humans.
I just want that little push to get back on track. One day I will get it.
If you do read Arabic please visit ladeeni.net
Add Your Testimony | Other Apostates | Core Article | Qur'an, Hadith & Scholars | Resources | Helpful Hints
