Naked City (former Muslim)
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Testimony of Leaving Islam
I have a background of Roman Catholicism. At one point, tired of new Catholicism, I entered Russian Orthodoxy. But with the talk of hell and fire, I grew disenchanted. About 8 years ago, I joined Islam and practiced it devoutly for 4 years, even though I am a gay man. But after 9/11, I questioned the religion. After the attacks, I was at a Friday prayer when someone suggested we perform the funeral prayer for those who died. Good idea. Then one asked: "The funeral prayer for the Muslims only?" And the Imam answered: "Yes of course!". Bad idea. When Ramadan started that year, I refused to observe it. Yes, for a brief time, I was afraid. After regular prayer for 4 years, it was odd to stop. Perhaps I even feared the wrath of god. No matter. Nothing happened. And I felt liberated.
I deeply enjoyed my first glass of wine in 4 years. A couple of years later, I had some nostalgia and observed the Ramadan fast. But once Eid came, the feeling left and has not returned. There is much I admire in the religion, as there is in all religions I have studied. I esp admire the Sufi tradition. But ultimately, I find it wanting. All of man's concepts of god I find wanting. Is there a god? Maybe. It is important ? I highly doubt it, esp not important for leading a good, productive life. Now I do not esp follow any religion. I am interested in religious thought, yes, I probably always will be. The closest I have found to a religion I can accept is Buddhism. No god, no hell, no eternity of souls, no creation. But again, it is a religion deeply bound up with established societies and those societies have applied very un-Buddhist concepts to the core practice. Yet, it is tolerant, unlike most western religions. As far as western religions, I find Freemasonry the most tolerant and interesting. And the most liberal and trouble making. I like that. Islam holds no fascination for me now. It is over.
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