NamiDanam (former Muslim)
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Testimony of Leaving Islam
I am from the same 'neighborhood' where Osama's compound was found; Pakistan. My early childhood was one of an orthodox Sunni Muslim. My father is more into mysticism. I followed him. To me, every failure in life was considered to be satan's attack on the soul and every success was from Allah almighty. Being handicapped (disability of left foot by birth that could not be cured due to lack of finances) I was a little too emotional. I was considered a curse; pregnant women would avoid me, people would hate to have me at marriage ceremonies, etc. This made me consider myself a curse as well. I was told that my misery was a result of the sins of my soul. Thus, I tried to get closer to God. I would pray to him virtually all the time. Even if a petty little thing went wrong, like a glass slipping out of my hand and breaking, I would consider it 'due to my sins' and resort to praying like anything - all the while in tears. I doubt if you can be more devoted than that.
Moving ahead, as I studied more into Islam, my beliefs began to lean towards Wahhabism (like the Saudis). I attended a religious school (Madrassah) where, on the instructions of teachers, I witnessed children being tied to their desks because if they were not they would run away - it was a step to stop them from going astray!
Then, for two years, I was at the Madrassah of a renowned Islamic scholar named Tahir-ul-Qadri. Once, when a teacher of his madrassah had sex with his student and the incident was reported to Tahir, he merely transferred the teacher to another branch of his chain of madrassahs. This annoyed me. I expected much more from him. I thought he should have done what Prophet would have in the same scenario. It later dawned on me that he indeed did what Muhammad would have done in the same scenario!
All these events continued to disappoint me, but one thing was still holding me together - That mullahs of 14th century would be wicked and only a few people would be on the right path (Hadith).
Due to my religious convictions I would never approve of corruption, and at work my colleagues set me up. I was accused of getting away with 280 million rupees. I was booked and the police tortured me because they wanted me to tell them where the money was. Now the fact of the matter was I was only responsible for preparing 'budgets'. There was some differences in budgets and my officer who had absolutely no knowledge of finances was made to believe that 'budget' is synonymous to 'cash'. Anyways, cutting long story short, I had to bear all the torture because I had nothing that I could give. Finally, after not being able to get anything out of torturing a disabled guy, they sent me to jail. I lamented there for 9 months while the landlord threw my wife and two sisters, along with my father, out of the rented house. It is a misery best not explained.
I first thought it was a test by god, but that belief did not last. I was fed up. I was so confused, disgusted, and embarrassed. Finally, I won my freedom after my wife's father sold some land to bribe them and to pay the lawyer's fees. By then I stopped praying and did not know what to do. I did not know that there are people in this world who do not believe in god. At that point I did not know we could even 'think about god not being there'. Slowly, I began to collect myself together. I got a job, and eventually managed to rent a small apartment, bringing my wife back from her parents.
One day, while I was online, I just wrote 'no god' and googled it. That brought me to "The God Delusion" - The best video I have ever watched. I was so lonely before I watched that. It gave me a new life. I came back to life. Hell there is no god.
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