Omey (Former Muslim)
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Testimony of Leaving Islam
At first I was not an atheist. When I was really young, I was, like most kids, indoctrinated into a religion. Obviously I was a Muslim. At first, the very idea of doubting that there was a god made me cringe. I had no intention of leaving, I knew I wouldn't, and it was just absurd of me to assert otherwise. But despite that, I always did find some of it kind of ridiculous. My parents used to read me all these stories from the Qur'an (Koran), that discussed all of the prophets, Noah (phonetically it's actually Nusa, or something like that), Moses (Musez), Jesus, and Mohammed, etc. I will refer to these stories by their Bible counterparts' names, because they're all pretty much the same, and people recognize the Bible names better. Noah's Ark, Adam & Eve, etc. I believed they were all true, but some parts I found kind of silly, but more on that later. Anyways, I was a strong, ignorant, religious Muslim, and this was never going to change. When I was around, I believe, 10 years old, my brother finally admitted that he didn't believe in God. The story of why he suddenly changed his mind was unknown to me, and I still don't know. But that is still not what made me stop believing the obviously flawed ideology of Islam (or religion in general). Actually, upon hearing of my brother's dissent from Islam, and this is embarrassing, I cried. Genuine tears flowed out of my eyes, and I was full of sadness. I love my brother, and I was worried he was going to hell. I now realize that Islam, and actually all religion, is based entirely on fear of burning for all eternity. At the time though, I believed that he was bound to burn. Absolute poppycock, though that is, I was sad. For two years I always fiddled around with this idea of not believing in God, saying things like "Ooooh look at me, I'm an atheist and I believe in nonsense like we come from apes." But while I tried to make the idea sound absurd, it made the littlest sense to me. Of course, things change.
If I can denote anything for my atheism, it was puberty. I know this sounds silly, but this is 100% true, I am not making this up. I became an atheist because I started actually genuinely thinking about this. Actually becoming a self-proclaimed atheist was a process of about two weeks. Let's start with what influenced me to actually start thinking about this. I wanted to view pornography. Now here's the thing, I knew of the existence of porn since I was like 9. Though I've never had the desire, suddenly I found myself attracted to females.
This made me want to look at porn. However I really couldn't bring myself to do so because I was still a Muslim. And it is forbidden to look at females scantly clad, let alone naked and engaging in sexual activities. But that's the thing, I started wondering why would anyone abide by such a ridiculous ideology that indulges in the sexual repression of their subjects. So it got me thinking about Islam in a way I never did. For that matter, what kind of god who is "all merciful" would flood the world murdering EVERYONE! Or convince a father who, if I remember correctly, built a giant prayer place (El Kaa'ba) to sacrifice his SON in the name of Allah (but he's soooooo merciful, as he let him sacrifice a goat instead). In the Qur'an, just like in the Bible, there are many examples of God endorsing murder, slavery, racism, pedophilia, etc. It was this way of thinking that made me start to think, "Hey, this is horrid." But there's more. The transition I just described, which I will call the "doubt stage," took about three days. I remember my brother mentioned a Youtuber called, TheAmazingAtheist, who talked about Atheism. After viewing some of his videos, I identified as an Agnostic-theist. I didn't want to let go just yet, but at this point, technically I wasn't a part of Islam. A few days later close to the two-week mark, my mother, who still thought I was a Muslim, dragged me to a Muslim convention where I was supposed to learn more about Islam. The prospect was interesting, as I did want to finally make up my mind about this whole thing. At this point I told no one, not even my brother, about my slight dissent from Islam. But the event seemed more appetizing to me, as a friend who I met at a Muslim School that I was also forced to go to was going to be there. I actually remember saying in my head "Alright, I'll go, and this is when I'll decide whether or not I will be an Atheist or not." Needless to say, I was convinced that Islam was ridiculous. This I call, the "Transition Stage." But I still wasn't quite ready to call myself an Atheist. I decided I was going to read, The God Delusion By Richard Dawkins. After that I was an Atheist. Being that I live in America, however, I still find myself arguing about Christianity more than Islam. There just are not many Muslims to argue with.
I can't say I was ever ashamed of being an atheist, but I still never told my parents or my sister or brother about it. My brother found out, even though I never directly said it, I implied it. With little statements like "There IS no heaven." Which he replied, "(In confusion) Huh?" I said "Just kidding." But ever since then, I left little signs to imply it until I said to him that I was an Atheist, but in a way he might have thought I was kidding, which is why I don't count that. But he knew. When my parents (and sister) were finally aware of the fact I am an atheist, I was 13. When we were visiting my parents' country, Egypt. With no internet, I was so bored. I decided, hey I brought a few books with me, I'll write an essay about why God definitely doesn't exist. Writing persuasive essays is still one of the funnest activities I've ever participated in. My sister saw my copy of The God Delusion and The Origin of Species, and asked, "You don't actually believe in that stuff do you?" I replied I did. After comparing me to my brother and assuming I have no mind of my own, without letting me talk she went to my mother and told her. Afterwards we had a small old, and I mean ridiculously old chat about it, and she was sad. I tried to convince her I was right, and she went for the guilt trick. "Now we're all going to burn" she said, this is apparently because she thinks she failed as a parent because two of her sons disbelieve. My father found out by a similar conversation that occurred at a restaurant/club in Egypt. But the details are trivial and pointless. The point is my parents showed extreme disappointment of me, just because I don't believe what they do.
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