Shurayh (Former Muslim)
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Testimony of Leaving Islam
I was born into a mildly religious family. As such, I used to read the Qur'an a lot, do my prayers, and study Islamic history. I felt like I had an obligation to correct the misconceptions about Islam, and that it was my duty to fix the problems of the Islamic world of today. My parents were very well-educated and modern, but they still retained their Islamic character, and did their prayers and read Qur'an. That's why I believed Islam and the modern world could be put together in harmony, as my own family was a good example.
I was a highly intelligent youth, and I took it upon myself to learn as much of Islam as I could. Whenever I read the Qur'an or Hadith, I would find a verse or quote that would make me a little uncomfortable. I chalked it up to my own misunderstanding and/or translation difficulties from Arabic. I saw Islam through "rose-tinted glasses", skipping over the questionable parts and glorifying the better ones. But I have to admit, I was always sort of a hypocrite. I regularly skipped my prayers, and sometimes when I was told by my parents to go pray, I would just sit in my room and do nothing, and pretend I was praying. I eventually found this to be disturbing, and I remember one Ramadan I committed myself to to praying 5 times a day every day. I did, and by the end I became a highly devout Muslim, and was intent on going further.
The next Ramadan, I would be up all night researching the hadiths and Qur'an to help ease some doubts and problems that crept up in my mind. Eventually I stumbled upon a hadith where the Prophet said that women are "deficient in intelligence and religion", and justified their inferior position in society. Further research into it, and I had serious doubts of my religion. Eventually I decided that the best way to gauge the accuracy of the Qur'an is to analyze its so-called "scientific miracles". Over and over again, I came across clear-cut examples of scientific inaccuracies, such as believing that the earth is flat, misconceptions about human reproduction, and the silly creation myths. Eventually, I realized that Islam (and Christianity, Judaism, and all other modern religions) are no more true than the religion of the Ancient Greeks, Egyptians and other religions. I consider myself an intellectual, and I hope to be a scientist when I grow up. Religion could just not stand up to scientific scrutiny, and along with the appalling backwardness of the Muslim countries of today, which the people believe is what Allah wants, caused me to stop believing.
But I can't let anyone know. I am sick and tired of having to check for halal and haram foods, of having to say no to girls, and all the other stuff which Islam puts on me. But I have to do it anyway. My parents and family would literally disown me if they found out about my apostasy, and I would be harshly ostracized by my community if I started doing or saying things against Islam.
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