The Agnostic (former Muslim)
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Testimony of Leaving Islam
I do not know if I really can be considered a real apostate, but here is my story on how Islam put it's evil spell on me. About two years ago I found myself in a spiritual crisis of some kind. I wanted to know the cause of our existence and where we'll end up after this life is done. From times to another I've prayed to God in a casual way, never bothered to include Jesus in the process. I never found many answers in the bible but I had what you might say a "personal relationship" with God.
I grew up in a secular country (In Europe) and is/was Christian by name. However I never could accept all the logical fallacies of the bible. I consider myself a man of science (although I'm not a scientist but merely an engineer student). To brag a little about myself I also see myself as rather intelligent (passed the test for MENSA etc) and I'm under the impression that people see me as a smart guy. With that said it is really embarrassing to say that I was drawn to Islam! Even more so because it happened after the horrendous Sept. 11. My country is probably the most politically correct country in the world; and after the terrorist attacks, the media got flooded with people saying that this is not the true Islam and that Islam is peace etc. I took this in hook, line and sinker.
I started cruising the Internet for Islamic information, and there's a lot of it out there! Now, they all present themselves in a nice way. So Islam must surely be misunderstood, I thought when I read those nice quotes from the Quran. Liking math and science, I also liked the claim that Islam does not contradict science and that western scientists fled to the orient during the middle ages. I always loved oriental architecture and admired the beautiful mosques and Arabic calligraphy. This was perfect for me! A religious guidance that does not contradict science, not evil but is merely misunderstood. They accepted Jesus as a factual person but not as the son of God. That made sense. This is for me! There is no god but Allah and Muhammed is his prophet. Simsallahbim I was a Muslim! Gave up my favorite beverage; beer, although I never abused alcohol and stopped eating pork.
I kept this up for a while but naturally I had to know more about my new religion. Went to the library, found a thick book with green covers. Ahh; THE QURAN! Started reading. The foreword was written by the translator which was quite harsh on the prophet. -Ignorant man! I thought. He must have misunderstood! So after reading Sura number one - yeah, I can accept that, sure! After reading sura number two - This is just as stupid as the Bible. Is there something wrong with the translation? Muslims always talk about poor translations. Skimming the pages; sura number nine: What da..? Isn't that a little hard? Killing like mad men. Wasn't the word Islam derived from the word Salam? It was supposed two be about peace, was it not? I went home. Drank a beer and continued reading. No, this was not for me. This was stupid. This was not science. This was not peace. This was not enlightenment.
Later on the school's computer; Google search "against Islam". Faithfreedom.org Interesting, very much so. After I while I started to get sick. I felt so much embarrassment for being so close to giving myself to this sick cult. I was supposed to be a smart man. I wanted to dig a deep hole and jump into it. Stupid! No that was not enough to express how big a fool I had been. How should I make up for my ignorance? By enlightening others! So: I created a website in the spirit of faithfreedom.org, which I published in my own name. After all I live in a modern European country, not Iran or Yemen. Shouldn't be a to big risk. I was not likely to become the next Salman Rushdie. It was a quiet fun website i think but it is not up and running now since my wife suddenly got a number of weird phone calls with Arabic music in the background and silent breathing. No death threats but it was not very nice for her or for me. Now I can't risk my family's safety so I inactivated my website immediately. Sure enough, no more phone calls since then. Maybe am I just paranoid, but I do not wish to find out. 1-0 for the Islamists perhaps.
I hope to some day restart an anti-Islamic website, that day with better safety precautions.
As for my spiritual outcome? I am now a happy agnostic drawn to the notion that there is a creator of some kind which can not be expressed in words. I try to be a good human being and I believe I am a good guy although I drink beer, eat pork, smoke pot (on occasion)and don't participate in Jihad
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