Zindiq (former Muslim)
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Testimony of Leaving Islam
Mentally speaking I have left Islam: I no longer believe a God described in Islamic sources exist, I no longer believe Muhammad to be a prophet nor the Qur'an being miraculous in any way. The moment I realized Islam doesn't have any real evidence but rather depends on emotional blackmail and threats of some unfalsifiable akhirah, was the moment I stopped believing altogether. As many other apostates one of the biggest, clear, unambiguous contradiction which I found no way to wrap my head around, was the concept of eternal hell and the endless mercy of God. Of course, this contradiction was just the tip of a much greater iceberg.
However, physically speaking I am still a Muslim (i.e. a cultural Muslim/munafiq). All my family are devout Muslims and even giving them hints of my apostasy would have severe consequences, especially for my deeply religious parents who would worry about me getting into hell. To spare them this discomfort I do them a favor and don't tell them. Religion is literally everything for them and challenging their world-view by disclosing my apostasy would cause needless frustration and pain. Islamically speaking I know I am a "munafiq" (hypocrite), but God (if he exists) very well knows my motives and reasons. Furthermore, decades of religious living has hard-wired my brain in such a way that I cannot fall into sleep before reciting the proper du'a or that I can't lessen my hunger before saying bismillah (Even though I know Allah doesn't exist). Funny heh?
I will keep this testimony short as I don't see a point in making in needlessly long: I might repeat all the arguments on this website but that's not what you are waiting for: The main point is that we came to the world(how? why?..), we live this world, and then we die (to where? why? what after?). Religion only provided superficial answers to those deep questions.
Some people, however, can't enjoy this life by constantly thinking about those questions. Some people find solace in centuries old answers to these questions. However, I believe the only real way, the way the "God(s)" have imagined, is to live a full, happy, productive life instead of your life being ruled by speculating about those questions of which the answers will remain an eternal mystery.
We live and we die: This is the miracle of life. At the end of the day it is about being a good human, not being a good Muslim, or Christian, or atheist or..
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